Textiles and Bicycles

I’m from Virginia.

But I can’t tell you how many times someone has felt it was appropriate for this to be the first question they ask me (not my name, not how I was doing) and then look confused when I answer this way.

No, but where were you born?

Virginia.

Oh….well are you Indian?

My parents grew up in India. I can recommend some books if you’d like to know more about India. By the way, you look white. What’s that like?

Since when is it appropriate to express no interest in someone besides their ethnicity?

I share this because I’ve found throughout my life and even in my current workplace that people’s understanding of what is racially acceptable in America is so undeveloped when it comes to non-Black people of color. You would never walk up to someone black or white (that you have never even met before) and say, hey, so what’s it like being black or white? The point is that regardless of your race, it’s not your sole identity and you are not a representative for your race…and no one should ever be treated like they are.

Moreover, I can’t tell you how many times people who are barely acquaintances have felt the need to tell me about their Indian friends/boyfriends/etc as though I would care simply because they’re Indian. A coworker (who I am not friends with and share nothing personal with) spent a solid week or so catching me up on the goings on in her Indian ex-boyfriend’s life. I was incredibly annoyed and insulted at the use of this insensitive tactic as way to relate to me. By this method I should automatically be able to relate to every single white person on earth since I’m dating a white boy.

Frankly, it shocks me how people will often do this right off the bat with Asian people as though racial sensitivity doesn’t need to extend to us since we’re all doctors and engineers, right? The truth is virtually every Asian person I know has been touched by racial insensitivity and direct discrimination, whether it’s verbal abuse, being passed up for promotions, or the kind I’m talking about here. Interestingly, I encountered the most frequent and mind-numbing insensitivity while living in Berkeley, CA. Men trying to hit on me would first start talking to me about India. I would often walk away without saying a word. It was as though they thought they were so culturally sensitive that they could do it because they couldn’t possibly be racist.

The thing is I love talking about India because I love most things about the country. But India is not my identity, I do not represent it and I am not someone’s personal reference book on the subject. Especially when I don’t know the person.

I may sound angry about this, and, shocker, I am. I’m always amazed at how people that think they’re culturally sensitive and worldly will do this and I just want to scream RACIST in their face. Because while none of us are colorblind, it’s sobering and disappointing when it’s perfectly clear that your ethnicity and color of your skin are the only things someone sees–when they can’t possibly see that you’re a whole person with experiences and interests and that they could have tried to relate to you like they would with a person of their own race.

This all came to me when hearing about a series of articles about this exact topic on NPR.

People always talk about how diversity trainings are a waste of time…but I think everyone could stand to learn a little.

EDIT: I forgot to add one of my favorite related stories.  My friend was flying somewhere and a lovely young Indian woman was a row or so in front of her.  A young white man, presumably trying to hit on the Indian woman, turned to her and right off the bat asked her where she was from.  She turned to him and in a thick, thick southern accent and an obvious twinge of annoyance said, “Georgia.” and turned back without another word.  My friend called me immediately.

End rant here.